Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
