Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
