new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
