I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
