It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
