At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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