Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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