Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
