6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
