you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
