my vag is so smooth its legendary
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
