I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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