omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i think i have two assholes
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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