You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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