i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
