Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Randomize
