yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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