Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We had to coat check the pizza.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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