She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
