hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
