I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
