I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
