when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
