Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
