The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
