dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
