Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i now understand why vodka
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
