he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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