.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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