He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
