what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
worst night to have a conscience
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
