her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
