Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
