My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
