wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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