Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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