Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
