I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
