so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
