I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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