That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
