While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
