$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
