wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
