i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
