The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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