I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
