Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
