So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
