dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
