i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
