That's when you crack a 10am beer
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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