Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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