you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
