Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
