I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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