ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my sisters under your porch take her home
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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