I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
